Tony's New And Improved Wardrobe
by DPark
Summary: Pepper always knew that Tony was, well, ostentatious. But this was taking things to a whole new level.


Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**A/N**: Just a ridiculous little idea that came to my head this morning.

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"You must be joking."

"Big joker that I am, Pepper, I don't see how you think this is a joke."

"….no, really, you must be joking."

"Nope."

It was only two hours until the fourth annual Fireman's Benefit at the Disney Concert Hall. Though Pepper Potts was Tony Stark's date, she was also still his P.A., and since the event was in Tony's name, that meant many preparations had to be made before their arrival. Unfortunately, that was all forgotten as Pepper stood in the doorway of Tony's master bedroom, unable to believe her eyes, her jaw perilously close to dropping to the floor.

But even as Pepper's mouth hung ajar, Tony smiled at Pepper from his closet entrance. He smiled as if the situation they were currently in was actually _normal_.

"Then why?" Pepper said after taking back control of her jaw and her eyes.

"Why what?" Tony responded, his tone far too innocent.

"Why are you wearing…_that_?" She gestured her hand at him, trying to physically encompass the insanity of what she was seeing. What he was wearing.

"Because, my dear Pepper, I'm tired of typical old Armani. I wanted something new, something bold, to wear to the fundraiser tonight, given that it's my event anyway. And this says a lot about me, don't you think?"

If only he understood how much.

"But Tony, this is going too far. It's too much." Pepper always knew Tony had a streak of narcissism in him. In a weird, inexplicable way, she actually kind of found it endearing. However, now he was just plain off his goddamn rocker.

"I don't see how. You know how well I pull off these colors. Besides, it's custom made for me. Fits me _snugly_." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Pepper ignored it.

"Are you even listening to yourself right now?"

"Always do."

"And have you looked in the mirror lately?"

"I have. I liked what I saw."

"You're insane."

"Certifiably. But that's what you love about me."

Pepper pinched the bridge of her nose. She was clearly fighting a losing battle. "You're really going to wear…_that_. Really."

"Yes, I am. Really. And stop calling it 'that', Pepper, as if you don't know what it is. It's the _one-of-a-kind, sexy, incredibly expensive, pure-satin Iron Man suit_, made for Iron Man himself!"

_An _Iron Man suit, Pepper noted bitterly. He wasn't wearing the actual, battle-ready, flight-capable Iron Man armor that America had fallen in passionate love with.

No, it was instead an Iron Man…tuxedo. It had none of the gold-titanium alloy or the fancy equipment and weapons, but what it did have was a strikingly accurate color scheme—hot rod red and shimmering gold, right from the bowtie and all the way down to the shoes. There was even a big white circle on the chest section of his dress shirt (right where his actual arc reactor was hidden underneath), as an approximation of his famous chest piece. Pepper could only be thankful that he hadn't thought of painting his face to match the helmet.

Regardless, she was putting her foot down. "If you think I'm going with you to the fundraiser while you're wearing that suit, then you've got another thing coming," Pepper said, trying to make herself as clear as possible. She'd had enough of this already!

Tony didn't even bat an eye. "You're right."

Pepper blinked and lost her train of thought, not expecting that answer at all.

"Since we're going to go together, we need to be coordinated. You know, so we can really let everyone know who we're with."

Oh, no. Was he implying what she thought he was? Oh, no, no, no, no, _no_. He couldn't be serious. He just couldn't be. No one was that psychopathic, were they? That perverse? Pepper prayed to all the deities in all the religions in all the world that that was the case.

But as Pepper inwardly made her desperate pleas to the cosmos, Tony retreated into the closet, and quickly reappeared with a big white box.

Crap. He was serious. Pepper's heart sunk into the floor, wild terror seizing her.

"You didn't think I'd leave you out on all the fun, did you?" Tony started to open the box, grinning like a madman.

Pepper couldn't face what she knew was coming—she would die of mortification if she did. She promptly turned around and ran out of the room, ran for her _dear life_.

Tony, surprised but undeterred, chased after her. In his hands was a ridiculous red and gold (and again, with a big white circle slapped onto the chest section) cocktail dress that could only be described as being made for Iron Woman. "C'mon, Pepper, at least give it a shot! It's even in your size!"

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